i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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