my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
