so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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