You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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