I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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