True but thats because hes a fetus.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
