Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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