I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
