Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
