Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
