Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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