You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
