So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
