Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
