what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
