If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
