Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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