is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
