you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
