The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
