But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
