at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
