So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
