Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
