I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
