New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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