Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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