im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's shark week go big or go home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
