ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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