Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im six kinds of drunk right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
