did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
