Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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