Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
