Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
