i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
