You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
