I puked a lego.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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