We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
