the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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