Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
