Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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