We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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