you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
