I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
