I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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