if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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