her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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