Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
