Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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