its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
