So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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