$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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