He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
